Please Control Your Feelings

It seems like I've heard frequently that you can "always control your feelings" or "control the way you feel" even if you can't control what people do to you.  I prefer to disagree.  In my wealth of experience of life (a quarter of a century of it!) I have found that, being a sensitive person, I can't always control how I feel.  Part of the definition of "sensitive" as found on dictionary.com is as follows: 2- readily or excessively affected by external agencies or influences.  3- having acute mental or emotional sensibility; aware of and responsive to the feelings of others.  

I have been sensitive my whole life.  I have struggled with the possibility that it is a bad thing to be.  As a child my parents or siblings would say "you're too sensitive! you're over-reacting!"  And I would feel guilty, yet again, that I didn't measure up to the standard of perfection that I was supposed to be.  But as I listened to other voices, which said "just be yourself!" I reflected on the possibility that being sensitive is not a bad thing to be.  Surely there are many insensitive people in the world, and having a little more sensitivity in my little corner can't be a bad thing.

Certainly you don't need to be a "sensitive person" to be affected by the words, actions, and moods of others.  However, as a sensitive person, it seems as if I am extra-conscious of the moods and unsaid words of other people.  Hence my statement that I can't always control how I feel.  When I wake up and am chipper and happy, and go downstairs and find a surly husband, who ignores me and the children and only growls "what's for breakfast?" and goes back to his video game, you better believe my spirits are dampened.  (Dictionary.com: dampened- to dull or deaden; depress.)  I may be able to rally my spirits after awhile, but another attack of husbandly grouchiness is sure to depress me again.  On the other hand, if I am having a bad time and my husband or sweet children make efforts to make me happy, I will feel more cheerful.   

You may say, "Whether or not your husband is ornery,  you can choose to have a happy morning!  You can choose your mood and be cheerful and let him be a grouch if he wants!"  Well, sometimes I can be more cheerful in that situation, but not always.  Even if I can't control how someone makes me feel, I can control what I do about it.  If someone makes you feel terrible, you don't have to wallow in it.  You can try to move on and distract your mind.  To me, that is not "controlling your feelings."  That's "dealing with your feelings."  

So, next time someone tells you that "you can control your feelings" and you know you have tried and been unsuccessful, remember that not everyone can control their feelings.  Maybe some out there can, and I'd love to meet them.  In the meantime however, refuse to feel guilty.  Just be yourself.  Realize that you are who you are.  Even if you can't choose the way you feel, you can choose how you react to that feeling.  Down in the dirt?  Look up, and see the sky (literally, if you can.)  Count the stars, or count the clouds.  Then go deal with your feelings. 

A year and a day...

Last posted a year and a day ago! Wow.  Time flies.  There are always things to gripe about.. ~wry laugh~ but I don't always get to write them out on the blog.  Oh well.  Maybe more to come?!

What Made My Day

I've noticed that I usually gripe on this blog.  Maybe it was because I was pregnant (and now I'm a lot happier since we have a sweet little baby!)  So today I wanted to share what made my day today.

We (husband, I, two little girls) were driving to a graduation party.  At a stop light, I looked in the rearview mirror.  The older gentleman driving his car was reading a book.  I pointed this out to my husband.  The light turned green.  We went forward, and so did this older gentleman. 

"He's still reading!" said my husband. 

He was.

Then he put the book down and passed us.  (In my 13-year-old car, I'm finally used to having old people pass me in their brand-new Buicks.)

It made my day.

My day hasn't been made like that since we were taking a walk on the bike path, and a man passed us on his skateboard.  He had two dogs pulling him on leashes, and he was hollering and singing along.  That was pretty awesome.

What Not to Say...

Things NOT to say to THIS pregnant woman:
1- When are you going to have your baby?  (I don't know!)
2- When are you due?  Are you overdue?  (No, some women just carry really far out, and I am one of those!)
3- Is it a girl or a boy?  (I thought I've told you already.  If not, I'm sure you've heard.)
4- Wow, you've just popped out all of a sudden!  (Really?  I've actually been showing for months!)
5- Every time I see you, you're bigger!  (Ya, really sensitive.)

If it wouldn't be rude or tacky, I wish I could just carry around a sign, and pass out fliers with this information:
1- I am due this month!  That's all you get to know.
2- It's a girl.
3- We don't know when she'll come.
4- No, we don't have a name picked out yet.
5- Yes, we're excited.

I learned from our first baby not to give out the exact due date.  Our first was 12 days late, so everyone who knew the due date would say something annoying every time I saw them.  Like, "oh, I thought you were due last week!"  (I was, thanks for reminding me!)  Or, "oh you poor thing, you're still pregnant!  Hang in there!"  (Well, what else can I do?)  "When is that baby going to come?"  (I DON'T KNOW!!)

Usually I think I'm an optimist, but pregnancy, and especially the last stages, make me feel more pessimistic than usual.  Being pregnant means being conspicuous, which is one thing I've always tried to avoid.  It's being at Wal-Mart, and hearing a woman say to her kids, "oh! (gasp) look at her!"  And pointing.  True story.  It's the annoying kid in primary (at church) that points at me and shouts "are you going to have a baby?" and makes everyone look.  Well really kid, did you think I was having a puppy?  No wonder women used to go into confinement before their child was born.  I would too if I could get away with it.

Apparently there was a woman from Tennessee on Yahoo news that didn't know she was pregnant until just hours before birth.  Of course, some of the intelligent Yahoo users that commented made stupid, insensitive remarks.  They're just idiots, because this lady is one of the luckiest people ever.  To not know you're pregnant means that no one is asking you about it all the time!  That's what I say.

I Can Think for Myself

Do you ever feel like you have been rendered incapable by all of the capable, opinionated people that share their advice freely and sometimes thoughtlessly?  When we moved into our new house, and intended to use a certain bedroom for our then-13-month, did anyone think it a good idea?  After everyone had voiced their opinion about how a different room would be much better for her, I looked at my husband hopelessly and asked if we hadn't better put her in the room they all suggested.  He shook his head and said, "no, let's still put her in the green room."  Which we did.  And that is the best room in the house for her too.

I admit that my inclination to follow everyone's opinion was partly based on a desire not to offend any of them by going against their better judgment.  But after further reflection, isn't that silly?  It is our new house, not theirs, and I am sure they have all forgotten about the issue now.  The other part of my inclination was that I began to feel like they were all right, since there were so many of them against our original opinion.  Sadly, I have often felt that way.  If there has been a strong opinion thrown against mine, I generally feel like the other party must be right, and I therefore am wrong.  This often happens.  I am a terrible performer in an argument.  Perhaps my character is one that people feel to be easily influenced, and so they glory in giving advice to me which they feel cannot be refused.  It gives me a feeling of helplessness at times, and anger at other times, because I am quite able to manage myself without lots of "help" from others.

Sometimes people need to step back and allow others to think for themselves, and see what happens!

A Difference in Senses of Humour

When I was at a local thrift store last week, I saw this baby potty and thought it was really cute and funny.  I sent a picture to my husband so he could share the laugh with me.  He smiled when he saw it, and said, "what's so funny about it?"

I simply think it's funny that you would need straps on a potty to keep the child on!!  Doesn't anyone else?  (Especially since I'm trying to get my little girl to stay on for longer than 5 seconds.)

Alone

I know there are people out there that can't stand being alone.  I am related to several of them.  However, there are people that prefer solitude, quiet, and even being alone.  I'm afraid I'm like that, although I don't see that there's a problem with being either way.  But isn't it strange that the sort of people who can't stand being alone think that everyone else is like them?  Or that I am "weird" if I like my own company?

One winter's night several years ago, I was with a group of people taking a walk outside.  We had strung out and I was walking alone, happily enjoying the beautiful stars, snow, river, trees, and mountains.  Then someone slowed down to walk with me, and decided it was time to talk.  Slightly irritated, I made it known that I had been enjoying my solitary stroll.  They responded, "people who are alone all the time get weird!  You need to have company!"  Needless to say, this person is one who loves having people around.

Perhaps it is my fondness of reading that makes me enjoy quiet and seclusion.  For one thing, it is difficult to read and be immersed in the story if people are too close and too loud, or too personal.  For another, sometimes "book friends" are more interesting than real people.  That's probably a bad thing to say.  However, sometimes when real people don't have the time for you, book friends are always waiting to be picked up and explored.  Kind of like your dog that is always ready for a walk.

Solitude isn't bad, and neither is being surrounded by others.  You just have to measure them out.  Or you might turn weird.