Please Control Your Feelings

It seems like I've heard frequently that you can "always control your feelings" or "control the way you feel" even if you can't control what people do to you.  I prefer to disagree.  In my wealth of experience of life (a quarter of a century of it!) I have found that, being a sensitive person, I can't always control how I feel.  Part of the definition of "sensitive" as found on dictionary.com is as follows: 2- readily or excessively affected by external agencies or influences.  3- having acute mental or emotional sensibility; aware of and responsive to the feelings of others.  

I have been sensitive my whole life.  I have struggled with the possibility that it is a bad thing to be.  As a child my parents or siblings would say "you're too sensitive! you're over-reacting!"  And I would feel guilty, yet again, that I didn't measure up to the standard of perfection that I was supposed to be.  But as I listened to other voices, which said "just be yourself!" I reflected on the possibility that being sensitive is not a bad thing to be.  Surely there are many insensitive people in the world, and having a little more sensitivity in my little corner can't be a bad thing.

Certainly you don't need to be a "sensitive person" to be affected by the words, actions, and moods of others.  However, as a sensitive person, it seems as if I am extra-conscious of the moods and unsaid words of other people.  Hence my statement that I can't always control how I feel.  When I wake up and am chipper and happy, and go downstairs and find a surly husband, who ignores me and the children and only growls "what's for breakfast?" and goes back to his video game, you better believe my spirits are dampened.  (Dictionary.com: dampened- to dull or deaden; depress.)  I may be able to rally my spirits after awhile, but another attack of husbandly grouchiness is sure to depress me again.  On the other hand, if I am having a bad time and my husband or sweet children make efforts to make me happy, I will feel more cheerful.   

You may say, "Whether or not your husband is ornery,  you can choose to have a happy morning!  You can choose your mood and be cheerful and let him be a grouch if he wants!"  Well, sometimes I can be more cheerful in that situation, but not always.  Even if I can't control how someone makes me feel, I can control what I do about it.  If someone makes you feel terrible, you don't have to wallow in it.  You can try to move on and distract your mind.  To me, that is not "controlling your feelings."  That's "dealing with your feelings."  

So, next time someone tells you that "you can control your feelings" and you know you have tried and been unsuccessful, remember that not everyone can control their feelings.  Maybe some out there can, and I'd love to meet them.  In the meantime however, refuse to feel guilty.  Just be yourself.  Realize that you are who you are.  Even if you can't choose the way you feel, you can choose how you react to that feeling.  Down in the dirt?  Look up, and see the sky (literally, if you can.)  Count the stars, or count the clouds.  Then go deal with your feelings. 

A year and a day...

Last posted a year and a day ago! Wow.  Time flies.  There are always things to gripe about.. ~wry laugh~ but I don't always get to write them out on the blog.  Oh well.  Maybe more to come?!